i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
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you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.