That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?