3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
