I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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