can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
this will be a night to untag.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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