i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
