Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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