also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
