Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Acid is not a monday night drug
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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