It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
