Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared