I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
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I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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