Screwed.edu
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do vagina's smell?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
