dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
