You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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