Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
