So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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