he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
