Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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