dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
