belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.