I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.