so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.