Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize