i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize