their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
