she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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