We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
