all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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