Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So much rum. So many feels.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My feet surprised me
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