I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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