True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
