Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
