Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize