between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
