Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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