She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
