We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
