she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.