Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.