also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I stole a fireplace last night.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.