Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
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Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.