there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?