Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
