I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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