I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
