honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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