The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
