what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
