I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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