This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
