you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
