Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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