I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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