Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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