NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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