smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When are your genitals available?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
